Doug "more or" less

There once was a guy named Doug

With a schnoz too big for his mug

And although it looks tacky

When he wears all Khaki

I still want to give him a hug

Growing up in a brook that was “stony”

He must not have been a phony

Cause early in life

He met his wife

and has yet to pay alimony  

His driving test was no breeze,

But with Michigan and Harvard degrees

He learned in college

To be an “officer of knowledge”

So now he can do as he please

Just hanging with Zacky and Zoe

And Watching the little ones grow

But when Zoologist or Dancer

Are looking for an answer

Apa’s the one who will know

Lover of fossils and rocks

And sandals worn with socks

Inspired by Muppets

The use of puppets

Is incorporated into his talks

Blessed with a darn good Dad

We all didn’t turn out so bad

Taught that logic and reason

Is “in” every season

And for this we’re eternally glad

Faith in Fate

Pretending we can just be friends
While knowing that is fake

Time with you has become a test
Of the torture I can take

It hurts so bad every time I leave
A wound that won't fully heal

Needing to come back for more
Just to be sure I can feel

Is there no undoing
Once you've mated my soul?

Is a heart already broken
If it’s never been whole?

I wish you knew I love you
But I haven't put up the fight

I’m afraid that I'd lose you forever
If the timing isn’t right

Believing in not knowing
I can only sit and wait

Looking for the stars to align
I have Faith in Fate.

Little Heathens Anthem

Born on a farm, with all the charm

Of the simple life’s true glory

It’s crazy to think, it’s all changed in a blink

So Grandma tell me a story

A chubby cheek smile, that stretches a mile

But don’t look till you see her coming

Without waste or want, always up for a jaunt

And a passion for life that’s humming

The umbrella hats, and love for cats

Are sweeter than a bowl of cherries

If you know the deal, an apple peel

Will tell you who you’re going to marry

An expert in plants, and how to hem pants

Is there nothing that you can’t do?

When Harry got fixta, with a regular shiksa

You made him the happiest Jew!

From making lard to joining the Coast Guard

This journey has taken you far

Cause we wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t shown

That everything can be stored in a jar

 

And the devil will find your idle mind

So you better start baking a pie

Cause we’re born without sting, and we fly without wings,

so let’s all sing till we die

With a pinch and a punch on the first of the month

Or you’ll always get the hind teat

I had no shoes and complained until

I met a man with no feet

Re-ignition

You took over that cave

To shelter from storm

You started that fire

To try to stay warm

Tired of gathering

You planted some seeds

Hunted no more,

Developed new breeds

You sheered the sheep

So you could have wool

You steered the cattle

So you could be full

So when did you decide

You need more than your neighbors

Hoarding your goods,

And doing no favors

Happiness isn’t measured by

Wealth alone

Or how many envy

The items you own

It used to be survival

Was enough to stay pleased

now you hunt feelings

that’s only a tease

a cave of despair

is where you’ll reside

until the flame of survival

reignites inside

Emperor's Apology

Forgiveness is a virtue
diversion can make you forget
and if sorry has a limit
I haven't reached mine yet

I swear that you can trust us
even though we fail
to be Fair and Balanced
in any scope or scale

We're here to serve a purpose
sell the other side of truth
skew stories in our favor
regardless of the proof

More power for the rich
resulting from my missions;
voters believing propaganda
and owning politicians

I’m sorry you didn’t realize

We pray upon the distraught

My only true regret is

My minions getting caught